How Much Is Too Much La Croix?
As I crack open my second lime La Croix of the morning, time halts for a moment. I’m mesmerized by the soft, luscious sound of fizzy popping bubbles, and delight in the effervescent chilled goodness of that initial brain-numbing swig. I swallow it down with a refreshing, “ahhhhh, yes,” as I side-eye the overflowing recycling from yesterday’s sparkling water abuse—It’s like when you’re watching Netflix for the fifth hour, or cuffing the bottoms of your jeans, or trimming your bangs—you can’t help but wonder, “how much is too much?”
Since the national debate on sugary substances, the popularity of local and organic foods, the Forks over Knives uprising, and the sheer joy we get from walking around mindlessly in a Trader Joe’s, coupled with the marketing genius behind the brand, it makes sense why La Croix has become so popular. Drinking water is cool again because being healthy is cool again. Thanks Michelle Obama.
Nowadays everybody wants a piece of the tasty La Croix pie, nevermind it being around for over thirty years. The shiny, pastel, 80s windbreaker can completes your look, your meals, your oral fixation habits, and solves the awkward “I don’t know what to do with my hands” situation. It’s popping up left and right in pop culture, hit record sales in July, and the stores can’t keep the boxes on their shelves. One time, I saw a lady drive two carts of it out of my neighborhood grocer’s doors, smirking maniacally, as she unloaded them into her car. It was a scene; she literally took them all.
So with all these Pamplemousse maniacs and the flavored fizzy frenzy, what’s the catch? I did some internet searchin’ and came up with this: nothing, nada, zilch, null. La Croix is not that bad for you.
There's no calories, no sweeteners, no sodium, no artificial nothin'. The naturally derived flavors come from essential oils of the fruits that are labeled on those sweet cans. Find out more on La Croix's nutritional facts here.
Here's the not that bad part.
While carbonated water is fun to drink, it may cause stomach issues like bloating and gas (oh boy), sometimes mild acid reflux. In extreme cases, those in which you have sensitive stomach issues, you may get IBS (yikes).
If you’re a freak, like me, who drinks a case a day and continue to do this for the rest of your life, your teeth might experience enamel decay. The carbonation in La Croix is made from carbonic acid, a relatively weak acid but, nonetheless, acid you are putting in your body by way of your mouth (hopefully) surrounded by your teeth. While there is risk of tooth decay, it would be over an extended period of time.
There is some buzz circling around La Croix using cans with trace amounts of BPA, a chemical used to make plastics and coat the insides of metal. Research has found that BPA can be transferred to the food you eat if stored in these products; however, according to the Food & Drug Administration, there is such little amount found that the food or drink is safe to consume. La Croix states on their website that their products are in accordance with the FDA guidelines and are completely safe to drink. But, if you're alarmed at the thought of contaminating your body, there are other ways to enjoy a La Croix.
Possibly the most detrimental result of drinking La Croix is the damage it can do to our environment. The amount of energy used to make the aluminum cans, the millions of tons of greenhouse gases absorbed by our atmosphere, the creation of toxins that seep into our water and air, damage to our natural habitats, and landfill overpopulation are just a few reasons to not sleep at night.
So, drink at your own risk people. Always recycle because this planet belongs to everyone, not just you.
As for me, I’m going to continue the habit as long as my wallet abides and the water is flowing. And La Croix, you can sponsor us anytime.
Brought to you by the Original Fuzz Department of Research. Also, according to the La Croix website, the correct pronunciation is "La CROY," not "La KWAH."
8 comments
Frankie,
Literally the article says the La Croix company pronounces “La-Croy”…here’s a quote from the page:
“How is ‘LaCroix’ pronounced?
La-CROY. It rhymes with ‘enjoy’.”
Yet you try to argue for another pronunciation?!
@ColeHuffman, that was truly inspiring 👏🏼
I love the stuff. My stomach hurts literally every morning but since La Croix (which is actually pronounced “la kwah”) entered my life, I’ve had relief in the form or burps and a more settled tummy. The acid reflux, however, is very real. Despite taking Zantac, if I drink 4+ La Croix per day, I will get a terrible burning in my esophagus. I try not to exceed 2 but it’s tough… getting enough of my daily water intake and also experiencing the refreshment of soda minus sugar is a PRIVELEGE and a DELIGHT. ☺️
Everything in moderation, folks… everything in moderation….
Is La Croix bad for nursing mothers?
I need guidance. I am amidst a La Croix crisis. A discrimination of my race “La Croix Boi”, if you will. As I have recently pointed out to my mother that I drink more La Croix than her capitalist ‘ice mountain’ bottled water bullsh*t, she has started to limit my La Croix drinkage. This bothers me. I need La Croix. I need that fizz. I can’t consume mundane, flavored-with-whatever-sh*t-you-last-ate tap water, or contaminated over plasticized processed fluid in a bottle. I need the invigorating bubbles of a fresh La Croix in my hand. And she believes that because of those fulfilling life bubbles, that it’s bad for you. Bad for your stomach. Last time I checked, seltzer water has been a cure for a upset stomach, but NO. ‘Throw that out the door’ ‘You need normal water’ ‘you need ICE MOUNTAIN BRAND 100% NATURAL SPRING WATER. You wanna know what that 100% NATURAL SPRING WATER IS? FILTERED MICHIGAN BULLSHIT. Ever heard of Flint, Michigan? Yeah, Michigan isn’t exactly the place to be chug a’ chug chug that H2O. Another fun fact bout’ ICE MOUNTAIN 100% NATURAL SPRING WATER: It’s Nestle milking all the sh*t from our wallets. Nestle bottled water sound familiar? Along with Ice mountain there is Arrowhead, Calistoga, Deer Park, Ozarka, Poland Spring, and Zephyrhills… THE LIST GOES ON. THEY HAVE AT MOST FOUR BRANDS FOR BOTTLES OF WATER FOR EVERY SINGLE F*CKING LETTER OF THE ALPHABET. Why so many? For the money. Nestle company has been haggling us for YEARS. the incident back in the 70’s with their poison breastfeeding solution! Their child slavery on cacao plantations! Exploiting California for their water! And what are they doing? Are they giving back? No. They are just using any local tap water, smacking a price tag on it and calling it 100% NATURAL SPRING WATER. Now what am I trying to do? Enjoy the refreshing taste of a healthy, bubbly drink. And this bubbly fizzy fluid has been a substitute so monumental it blows the industry out of the water. Since 1981, La Croix has been the healthy stand-in for: Soda-lovers losing wait, alcohol addiction, and so much more. Let me take you to 2001. Nestle says, ‘k, we’ll try this sh*t. we are already pumpin’ out baby food, chocolate, engine fuel, beauty products, penny candy, coffee, and hot cocoa. why don’t we just buy some tap water with all our f*cking money (did we happen to mention how much f*cking money we make?) and re-sell it.’ Oh but what can I do. Since birth ice mountain has been the go to water in our household. It’s worked its way into my social life and has crept into my dreams. I found the escape, the rebirth. The La Croix. I am only shamed. Only told ‘your teeth will decay’ (upon which there is not enough evidence and if you f*cking brush your teeth twice a day and get your annual check-up, you are already clear of any health issues (in this case drinking La Croix wouldn’t even be your problem, just your disgusting sense of hygiene)). I say this to all. All who understand. All who are against my beliefs. Let us unite. Let us be free. Let. it. be.