Mark’s Mailbag: Donald Trump Edition

Hey Fuzz Friends! You ready for the Summer heat to be over and for the cool weather to set in? Me too. Let’s pass the time til sweater weather with a few reader submitted questions and Mark-submitted answers.

Mark, I’m trying to get my son to eat vegetables, but all he wants to eat is (are?) chips and cheese dip from Don Pancho’s. I’m at my wit’s end and need help. Please help.

-Preston from TENN

Preston, you’ve come to the right place. While I don’t have any children of my own, I do love chips and cheese dip, and I also know people with kids. I asked my friend Justin and he said to replicate the dipping (which is probably what Preston Jr. likes the most) with something that’s healthier. He suggested hummus. I guess you go chips and cheese -> chips and hummus -> veggie sticks and hummus. That progression looks like a Phish encore setlist from the “Billy Breathes” era, doesn’t it?

A few years ago I made a new year’s resolution to eat more dips. I bet I tried every commercially available hummus and pimiento cheese, and I’ve got a couple tips to help you on your way: a) Trader Joe’s has the best commercially available, inexpensive hummus, b) At the time, Whole Foods’ hummus was no bueno, c) Palmetto Cheese, if you can find it, is real good.

That ‘year of more dips’ was one of the best years of my life, Preston. I’ve got a feeling 2016 is gonna be awesome for you too.

Mark, I just watched the documentary Muscle Shoals. As I watched, I kept wondering if the Swampers were just a great band without a lead singer. My question is–If you were in a band would you rather have a number one hit as a house/studio band or as your own band? Also, I enjoyed finding out about the lyrics in “Sweet Home Alabama.”

Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers / And they’ve been known to pick a song or two.

-Justin from Oregon

Hey Justin–I was just passing along your parenting tips to a guy named Preston whose son loves cheese. Thanks for writing in.
I don’t necessarily think of The Swampers as being a band without a lead singer so much as a band with a lot of range and more lead singers than you could count. If it was just a one-hit situation you are talking about, I guess I’d rather it be my “band” that had the hit. If it’s a one-hit wonder vs. The Swamper’s catalogue I would be a Swamper all day long.

Glad you wrote in about Muscle Shoals as well. That film is great for many reasons, but the most important at this moment is that it allows me to mention the Percy Sledge hit, “When a Man Loves a Woman” which features prominently in the film as well as on The Big Chill Soundtrack. [Ed. Note–Mark, I have had enough of this thing where you try to fit a reference to The Big Chill soundtrack in every column. Stop it.]

Mark, would you rather rub sunscreen on Donald Trump or Lindsay Graham’s back?

-Liz from South Carolina

Liz, That is the worst question I have ever heard. That’s a loser question and I am a winner, not a loser. I’m not gonna even comment on how that question could be answered or debate the merits of either side, I’m just going to make broad generalizations about how stupid of a question it is.

Mark is a former lawyer who lives in Nashville. If you see a guy who looks like this caricature walking a golden retriever in Germantown, feel free to say hi. You should know, however, that there is another guy who looks a lot like Mark who also walks a golden retriever in Germantown so you might be saying hi to the wrong dude. It has caused confusion in the past—including one particular incident where the other dude’s wife hollered down the street at Mark several times before getting a closer look and realizing her mistake. Anyway, say hi. You can also find him on the internet at and



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